Monday, April 21, 2008

buttermilk blog

so i went to the grocery store on saturday night. and for anyone who might not be familiar with the last minute weekend scramble to the market, there are some very interesting characters who roam the aisles after 9pm.

i met one such man on this week’s trip. i was minding my own business in the baking aisle, looking for some ice cube trays, when he approached: “ i hate all these *beep* health freaks messing with the *beep* grocery store, so i can’t find the *beep* i need.”

uh, i’m sorry, sir, what are you looking for?

“buttermilk. all they have is *beep* reduced-fat buttermilk. how am i supposed to make buttermilk biscuits with this *beep*? if people only knew what they were eating…i ought to buy my own *beep* cow and keep all the *beep* fat in the milk that i want.”

right you are, sir, communists in the grocery store, reducing all the fat, tragedy, yadda yadda (and then i narrowly escaped).

now, there are a couple of points of concern pertaining to this brief interlude that i would like to share with the masses:

1) the language. do people actually swear that much in conversations with complete strangers? in the grocery store? i mean, obviously, at a metallica concert. but really—in the baking aisle? about buttermilk?

2) the fundamental misunderstanding of buttermilk. buttermilk, a misnomer, does not have butter in it, nor is it even the dairy product close to having the highest percentage of butterfat. its “richness” is not why it goes in biscuits and pancakes (else we would all be having buttermilk ice cream), but rather its acidic properties and sour taste. in fact, most buttermilk nowadays is made conventionally by simply adding acid to regular milk.

so, sir, you are welcome to buy some whole milk and add a bit of lemon juice or cream of tartar and make your own buttermilk that the health food fascists can’t touch (‘twould be easier than purchasing the cow).

but as for me and my house, we take it as it comes.

1 comment:

Kent Young said...

Better yet, how 'bout some ******* whipping cream with lard stirred in and some citric acid. It makes a large "glug" sound as you drink it that thumbs it's nose at those health facists.