Sunday, May 10, 2020

higher than soul can hope

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
                                                      i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

Sunday, April 19, 2020

the empire is gone, mando

all that are left are mercenaries and warlords.

i have spoken.

Monday, April 13, 2020

birthday bobby

caleb is eight years old.

and he finally got his dream birthday.

his actual birthday was yesterday, but he celebrated on saturday by staying in his pajamas all day, building lego sets, playing video games, and eating all his favorite foods. destined to have a birthday over spring break for time and all eternity, he was so excited this year to NOT BE TRAVELING.

caleb loves the aforementioned legos, video games, and delicious food, as well as riding his bike, going to school, playing with his siblings, and pushing all the buttons (both the physical kind and the metaphorical ones, too). he's literal, punctual, dogged, and absolute. tender. confident. resourceful.

having long been satisfied with the "thumbs up" as his go-to method of communication (especially with adults), you're lucky if you've heard him engage in any kind of lengthy conversation, but around these parts dallin does enough talking for the both of them. kind of like a modern day moses and aaron, only they're mostly up to no good.

caleb can fill in a blank US map with all fifty states, their abbreviations and capitals, and remember any date you tell him--even ones he overhears in passing. but his spelling is atrocious cause he just can't be bothered with those pesky details. he dislikes reading, anything that subverts his independence, and pie. he absolutely loves to make his sisters tea every night and thinks his father hung the moon.

ever our enigma wrapped in a riddle, caleb recently did us a solid by agreeing to a deep dive on his brain for a clearer mapping of what makes this cool cat tick. turns out that caleb's superpower is he can process information as fast as is humanly possible. which might explain why he's so dang good at those video games.

happy, happy birthday, buddy! still not good enough to beat me at sonic, but you’ll get there.

love, mom

Sunday, April 12, 2020

because He is the way

"I testify that the Savior’s Atonement lifts from us not only the burden of our sins but also the burden of our disappointments and sorrows, our heartaches and our despair. From the beginning, trust in such help was to give us both a reason and a way to improve, an incentive to lay down our burdens and take up our salvation. There can and will be plenty of difficulties in life. Nevertheless, the soul that comes unto Christ, who knows His voice and strives to do as He did, finds a strength, as the hymn says, “beyond [his] own.” The Savior reminds us that He has “graven [us] upon the palms of [His] hands.” Considering the incomprehensible cost of the Crucifixion and Atonement, I promise you He is not going to turn His back on us now. When He says to the poor in spirit, “Come unto me,” He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way."

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland 

Friday, April 10, 2020

but if not (in japan)

sixteen years ago, bryan and i looked deeply into each other's starry eyes and whispered: "you. yes, you are the one with whom i want to endure a global pandemic."

and the rest, as they say, is history.

we were supposed to be stepping off a plane in tokyo, japan today with our four totlets in tow, but instead, well, i'm sure you know what is instead. a disappointing change of plans for sure, but a comparatively mild hiccup in a devastating situation that has upended and hurt the lives of so many people. we united today with many in fasting and prayer for those (and they are not a few) whose suffering is great, that "the present pandemic may be controlled, caregivers protected, the economy strengthened, and life normalized."


happy anniversary to my life's great partner: light to my soul, ease to my burdens, calm to my storm, peanut butter to my jelly.

"life sure can try to put love throught it, but we built this right, so nothing's ever gonna move it."

(fun bonus fact! maren morris celebrated her fourteenth birthday the same day bryan and i were married. she turns thirty today. happy birthday, maren!)

Monday, February 10, 2020

and then he was six

eleven days ago, our littlest man turned six.

dallin brings the juice, the pump, the energy, and a dash of unbridled anger to our crew. he is what he is and he wants what he wants and you will never have to sit around and wonder what any of that is. oh, he'll tell you. right now. to your face. and not in a whisper.

an immovable object and an unstoppable force all rolled into one deceptively adorable package. the most precocious of my very precocious children. tiny and powerful and hilariously unaware that he's so tiny.

an absolute sponge for knowledge. a cut-up. a dancer. a singer (a fan favorite if you're close enough to hear him belt it out on sundays). a wonderer. a jumper. a fighter. a snuggler. a meddler. and a talker most of all.

dallin spent his big day with his very favorite things: lucky charms, spider-man, mama, and ice cream.

you're a cool dude, son. and here's to you and i having spent the wild and craziest six years of our respective lives together (a random coincidence, i’m sure).

happy birthday, woo!

Thursday, January 16, 2020

we could send our christmas cards out in january

"this is our place, we make the rules."

keep an eye on your mailboxes, people.

the wheelers are coming.

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

and a happy new year

with love, the wheelers

ps, be sure to ask dallin about his black eye

Sunday, December 15, 2019

dance of the sugar plum fairy

bryan begged and begged to return to see the nutcracker this year.
the girls and i eventually obliged (whilst their brothers politely declined).

and a good night was had by all.

Wednesday, November 06, 2019

twelfth night

this girl is twelve years old today.

our summer loves life. she has a hard time picking favorites because she just hearts too many things. she is easy to please and quick to give. summer is generous and without guile. born to hand out eggs from her easter basket to all the kids with less than her instead of focusing on gathering more eggs. empathic. optimistic. musical. often found wrapped in blankets near warm fires reading five books at a time. 

my guess is that the drama that can accompany these early adolescent years will fly right by summer as she skips her way toward her teens. (side note: i haven't often seen summer skip, but it's the movement i use most often to describe who she is as a person.)

she's practical and rational and responsible and not too fond of heights or speed or cold. summer is a big fan of alt rock and has avocado toast almost every morning for breakfast. if she could be anywhere in the world right now, it would be london.

so here's to our summer girl! never stop never stopping. be the girl you want to be. give the good you want to give. and every now and again, take no prisoners. 

love, mom.

Thursday, October 31, 2019

second star to the right

and straight on 'til morning.

the moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.

“build a house?" exclaimed john. 
"for the wendy," said curly. 
"for wendy?" john said, aghast. "why, she is only a girl!" 
"that," explained curly, "is why we are her servants.” 

all children, except one, grow up. 

i suppose it's like the ticking crocodile, isn't it? time is chasing after all of us. 

keep adventuring and stay not a grown up.

nonsense. young boys should never be sent to bed. they always wake up a day older, and then before you know it, they're grown.

when the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.

“proud and insolent youth,” said hook, “prepare to meet thy doom.” 
“dark and sinister man,” peter answered, “have at thee.” 

“you just think lovely wonderful thoughts,” peter explained, “and they lift you up in the air.”

it is frightfully difficult to know much about the fairies, and almost the only thing for certain is that there are fairies wherever there are children. 

i taught you to fight and to fly, what more could there be?

Monday, October 28, 2019

soccer season

before we lose ourselves in the hoopla of halloween (a superbowl of sorts for me), i just wanted to close out the report on caleb's first soccer season. 

many thanks to a great coach and good teammates for an excellent first year! caleb continued to be full of surprises (for me, at least), and he scored one or two goals in almost every game. i still can't quite connect all the dots on how that happened as he'd spend half his time on the field daydreaming about minecraft with the other boys and the other half (ish?) getting in there, stealing balls, and taking shots. 

red bacon took no prisoners this year (and they really upped their minecraft game, too).

also, in what should come as a surprise to no one, i'm that mom on the sidelines.

you know the one.

Sunday, October 20, 2019

high on a mountain top

yesterday, bryan and i took summer to the temple for the first time to participate in ordinance work for four of her ancestors.

although she had the opportunity to enter young women (and thusly the temple) at the beginning of the year, she decided to kick it old school and wait to leave primary until she turned twelve.

she reports much joy and happiness at the temple (in addition to that there's a lot to take in) and is shedding no tears on account of not participating in the primary program this year.