understanding your toddler

since last week’s breakdown, my feelings of control over the violent upheaval that is summer’s toddlerhood have increased dramatically, thanks, in part, to the helpful perspectives, reassurances, crystallization, and much amusement gleaned from a few of the books that amazon so sweetly (and promptly!) sent my way.

the first and most basic rule of thumb is that i’m not a bad parent if my child throws fits. this is an especially difficult concept for anal-retentive success junkies like me to accept, but it’s an important one. the hallmark of my good parenting will not necessarily be how my children are behaving (because sometimes, they will behave badly, and if yours don’t, a plague on both your houses!), but how am i behaving? let's remember those three c's: calm, consistent, and in control. goodness knows we don’t need two of us throwing tantrums.

so if it’s not emily’s fault, why is summer being difficult?

i’m going to have to side with piaget on this one.

basically, at the behest of laurence fishburne, we forced the red pill down her throat and she has now left the matrix.

let me explain. heretofore, all summer’s reality was based on the fact that she was the center of the universe. when she was hungry, i fed her. tired, i rocked her. bored, i entertained her. a vital phase in development that should in no way be undermined because it was through my quick and sensitive responses to her basic needs that summer learned to trust me.

but enter toddlerhood, and now it’s time to be “unplugged.”

she rather abruptly discovers that the reality she has been living is actually not reality at all. now I tell her when and what to eat, I tell her when to sleep, and I tell her what she can and cannot do (and unfortunately, there’s a lot she cannot do). where she previously thought she was in charge, now my job is to make her believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am in charge.

and what makes the terrible twos “terrible” is that like any dictator worth her salt and facing an insurrection, she’s not going down without a fight.

but that’s no excuse to go all jack bauer on her. while summer can be a bit thorny, she can also be a lot of fun. the goal now is to focus on her strengths and make this all-important transition of power as smooth as possible.

after all, there’s no use replacing one menacing tyrant with another.

though, i would make a most excellent menacing tyrant…