aaaaand we're back

did you miss me?

while not up and running, i'd certainly consider myself up.

on thursday this week, i left the house (voluntarily) for the first time in over fifty days. the sun was so bright, the air was so cold, it felt weird to wear pants and shoes, but luckily, the music on the radio was much the same. i started jammin out with all them kids in their pumped up kicks, and i almost felt normal. almost.

mostly, i'm like a little, wobbly (but terribly cute!) baby horse, just born into this strange and awkward and really loud place. my muscles are weak and unstable from lack of use, my hands shake uncontrollably throughout the day, i am still overcoming slivers of deep depression, and not having spoken to many folks in all this time, i am super socially awkward (yeah, even more than before). i haven't prepared any food or cleaned my own house or even taken care of my own children (changed a diaper?) in eight weeks.

but it's like riding a bike, right?

the first day i got out of bed, my mom said i looked so lost and confused, not sick enough to be glued to my pillow, but not well enough to do much of anything else. i shuffled about, wandering here and there, and finally sat down at the piano and fumbled out a few hymns (to reassure myself that i could, in fact, still play) while summer and afton sat on a stool, ate their snacks, and told mere mere they were watching a concert. that's pretty much all i did that day, and then i went back to bed.

baby steps.  little, wobbly, baby horse steps.

coming soon: what you missed (preschool! danton! enchantments! mere mere!), a love letter to those who shouldered our burdens, pictures of my seriously giant belly, a soundbite of little baby's rockin' heartbeat, and updates as i put the pieces back together and maybe even dig out my four inch black patent leather stilettos. watch out world.